Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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