All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
