Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My feet surprised me
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