you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
