My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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