Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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