look no pants
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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