You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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