She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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