There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
