so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
