it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
