he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
