I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
