I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
