I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
