his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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