we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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