U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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