The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
