i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
