Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
