so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let's paint friendship bongs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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