remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
