Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
