So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Still dying that you shit outside
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
