Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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