You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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