he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize