apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
