What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
