Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
