Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
3 2 1 whiskey
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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