I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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