I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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