Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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