He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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