thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
