I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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