Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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