he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
