Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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