it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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