my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
