Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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