why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
