She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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