remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
