The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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