____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
