Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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