I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
