im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
