The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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