Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
