dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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