it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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