There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
