Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
