i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
