Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
