My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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