Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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