I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
