I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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