4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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