if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
