people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
