I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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